At first, writing your own vows seems like it would be the perfect addition to any elopement — and it is! However, when it’s time to write them, it can seem like an overwhelming task. This blog is here to remind you that it’s not. Follow these tips to create your own unique and personal vows.

Set expectations

First, you and your partner should discuss your visions and wants for your vows.

Will you be writing them together, or separate?
Keep them secret from each other, or possibly get a second opinion from a friend?
How long do you expect your vows to be?
What tone are you expecting?

Choose a format

Next, think about the vow’s format. If you’re writing your vows together, consider repeating promises one after another like Julie and Carey wrote together (see their vows below). Otherwise, talking about the past, present, and future is a promising model.

Make a list

List your most cherished qualities about your fiancé — the biggest moments you’ve had together, your first impression upon meeting, and when you knew they were the one. Consider what you’d like to see in your future together and what you’ll do to help get there.

Revising

This is very important: do not try to edit as you write.

If you do, the process is going to be drawn out and painful. Why? Simply because writing and editing use different parts of the brain.

Writing is intuitive (using the right side of your brain) whereas editing is logical (using the left side). Trying to do both at the same time will ruin any flow you begin to develop.

Despite spelling errors, potentially mixed-up dates, or whatever other mistakes you manage, keep writing and know that you can fix and fact-check everything later.

Once you’re ready to edit, read your vows aloud to catch spots that you stumble over. If you have concerns after revising, ask a friend, parent, or even your officiant for a second opinion.

Consider having the same person read both your vows if you want to be extra reassured.

Put it in writing

Now for the fun part! Choose vow books, a journal, or simply a piece of notebook paper to write your vows on. Not only will you be able to keep them forever (how memorable would framed vows in your home be?), but written vows are even more personal and romantic (in real life and photos) than reading vows from your phone.

If nothing else, remember that the important part of your elopement is that you’re marrying the love of your life! They won’t be bothered by imperfect vows. They’ll cherish every kind thing you say and every memory you bring up.

Enjoy reminiscing and writing!