There are so many posts about why you should elope from elopement photographers (guilty: see my list of reasons to elope here), but not nearly as many include what you might miss out on if you choose to elope or vice versa.

In this post, you’ll be able to compare weddings and elopement in every way imaginable — from insight into what kind of experience you’ll have on the day of to the planning and to the preparation required. Eloping isn’t for everyone, but I hope this blog will provide clarity about whether it’s the right option for you and your partner.

Peer Pressure

Weddings

Once you’re engaged, the news spreads like wildfire through your social circle. Soon, if it hasn’t already been happening, you’ll be asked about every single detail of your wedding plans. Your loved ones (and even long-lost acquaintances) will want to know where everything is happening, what your theme is, and when they’ll receive an invite. Yes, really, people tend to assume they’re invited. While this line of questioning can be fun, it can also be downright intrusive.

Depending on your guest list and venue’s capacity, the number of times you’ll have to let people know they aren’t invited is fewer than if you were eloping, but that can also add to the pressure of inviting anyone that expresses interest.

Elopements

Assuming you’ve announced your engagement (keeping your plans a secret is an option too), you’ll experience many of the same dilemmas as those who plan a wedding. Everyone will ask the same questions, but your unique plans may be an excuse for disapproval for some or curiosity for others. You may find yourself explaining what an adventure elopement is or feeling like you need to justify your decision to elope (you don’t have to do either).

Sometimes explaining that you’re eloping with either no one else present, just close family, or only a few other guests, should make it easier to let others know that they won’t be invited. Of course, there will always be the few that take offense no matter the conditions!

Pre-wedding celebrations

Weddings

Loved ones may offer to host wedding showers, attend engagement parties, or even offer to host bachelor/bachelorette parties for you and your partner. Just remember that guests who attend these events are also expected to receive invitations to the wedding.

Elopements

As mentioned, anyone that attends a pre-wedding party is generally expected to receive an invitation to your ceremony and reception. If loved ones insist on hosting a party in your honor, proceed with caution and educate them and your party guests on your expectations for your big day. Many may just want to support you and celebrate this milestone in your life, but make sure it’s in a no-strings-attached kind of way.

You can also lean into inviting others to help you as you figure out your plans. Invite them to go d re ss or suit shopping with you or have them over to DIY some decorations. This can help your loved ones feel included without the expectation of an obligatory invite.

Guest lists

Wedding

Choosing who to invite can be difficult, even when your guest list is a hundred or more. To start, I suggest writing down your guest list in a three-column format labeled A, B, and C. Those with the highest priority go on the A list, moving on to the B and C list.

Note that your parents will also have their own opinions on who needs to be invited. If they insist on inviting others, have them create the same lists — this will make it much easier to decide who not to invite, if necessary, later.

Elopements

This may be the hardest part of eloping. You’ll have the option to elope alone or with whoever you choose to invite. Elopements do tend to be less than 20 guests, and not everyone in your life may be supportive of your vision. These low guest numbers really help you consider the impact of each guest invited. Will the people you have in mind bring the right energy, support, and love to your day?

I’d recommend reading this blog on how to tell your loved ones that you’re going to elope, but it still may be difficult news to share. Know that those who love and care about you will support you. If they choose not to, it’s likely a reflection of their own trauma or cultural upbringing.

Planning stress

Weddings

Whether your partner helps you plan or leaves most decisions up to you, it’s a lot to manage. You’ll oversee sourcing, vetting, hiring, managing, and paying vendors. It’s also likely that the more guests you have, the more vendors you’ll want to hire.

Most couples hire a venue, caterer, photographer, officiant, baker, and florist, with a coordinator/planner, bartender, and DJ to start with. Options like videographers, set-up and clean-up crews, bands, or musicians are tempting as well.

Hiring a great planner will help alleviate some stress, but you’ll still likely feel pressure to host a beautiful, trendy wedding — try to keep your focus on the things that matter most to you.

Elopements

Eloping is certainly simpler than planning a large wedding, but because it’s so variable, it can be a lot to sort through in the beginning. Figuring out the logistics, like where you’ll be eloping, if you’ll need permits to elope on public lands, and having backup plans to deal with unsavory weather will likely be your biggest hurdles.

You can hire as many vendors as your heart desires, but most of my couples choose to keep it minimal, hiring me as their photographer and the following vendors hired sometimes: officiant, videographer, florist, baker, catering, and transportation (overlanding, helicopter, etc.).

Costs

Weddings

According to the Knot’s survey, weddings in the Seattle area cost $28,000 on average — that’s actually lower than the national average of $30,000. In order, the largest wedding costs are the venue ($11,000), catering ($75 per person), engagement ring ($5,800), photographer ($2,600), rehearsal dinner ($2,400), and florist ($2,400).

Elopements

The cost of eloping varies greatly. Couples tend to spend $5,000 to $20,000 on their elopements, but this money tends to go towards traveling, photography, lodging, and experiences rather than typical vendors. Eloping is less about providing entertainment or purchasing things like wedding favors and one-time-use items and more about creating a once-in-a-lifetime experience for you and potential guests.

Locations

Weddings

The larger your guest list, the fewer options you’ll have as far as venues go. Most seem to be able to hold around 150 people or so and come in all kinds of styles. Regardless of size, they do book up in advance, so keep your date flexible or plan far in advance (anywhere from 7 months to two years out). If you’re willing to marry on a weekday or a Sunday, this could help your chances of landing the venue you’d like and may lower your costs.

Elopements

Choosing where to elope is often the most overwhelming part of the process. Our world is filled with so many beautiful places, and since it’s possibly just the two of you and a few potential guests, you have the entire world to choose from!

I always suggest starting to figure out where you want to elope by narrowing down what you want. First, do you or your guests have any needs to take into consideration? Take those into account when deciding on how far you’d like to travel, the time of year, and the weather you’re hoping to elope in. From there you can find places that match your criteria. Bonus if you’d be interested in honeymooning nearby as well!

Check out this list of blogs for all of my location guides.

Timelines

Weddings

I often warn couples that their first look on their wedding day will likely be the only moment they share alone on their wedding day. You’ll spend the rest of your day taking photos with your bridal party and families, and then be on to the ceremony and reception activities. Timelines are often tight and usually run behind, so schedule in gaps of time to take the stress off running late.

You’ll likely be busy from 7:00 am until you leave your reception, say 11:00 pm. Although the day will be tiring, you’ll have had tons of fun and have had a chance to meet new people from your partner’s life. However, since there are so many people that will want your attention, the quality of time with each guest diminishes with every guest added.

There are remedies for this. You can offer to host brunch for those who traveled far to see you the day after or a get-together in the days leading up to your day to have a chance to spend more time with those you love.

Elopements

In contrast to a wedding day, elopements are slower and more intentional. Since you’re entertaining fewer or no guests at all, the trivial details, like waiting for a hundred people to get through a buffet line, will be much faster. This leaves you with more time to spend in meaningful ways.

In all, your elopement timeline will be more relaxed and catered to you rather than making sure 100+ guests are corralled and entertained. You’ll be as busy (or not) as you like. Often my couples hire me to photograph them getting ready all the way up until they celebrate getting married — with cake, canoe rides, first dances, or sunset hikes, for example. We make sure to leave room for spontaneity, and my couples love that they can choose to get married when and where it feels right to them, rather than at a pre-determined time.

Experiences

Weddings

You’ll likely be surrounded by loved ones the entire day — from the moment you wake up to get ready up to the minute you leave the reception. The day will be a whirlwind and you likely won’t remember it well after (read this blog to combat that). Try to eliminate distractions on the day of, delegate responsibilities, and keep your focus on the reason for everything: marrying the love of your life.

Elopements

You’ll only spend time with the very most important people in your life if you choose to elope. The smaller scale makes it easier to keep the focus, while planning and in the moment on the day of, on the reasons you’re planning this adventure. Often loved ones understand your reasons for eloping so much better after they’ve seen the photos, heard about your experience, and seen how much joy it brought you.